Michchami Dukkadam

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I'm not a saint to forgive you,
Nor am I a sinner to ask for your forgiveness.
This Samvatsari I seek Michchami Dukkadam for not being my true self.

Michchami Dukkadam, dear me, for the times 

I turned deaf to the inner voice

Michchami Dukkadam, for not giving you as much importance as

'log kya kahenge'

Michchami Dukkadam, beloved me, for the times

I convinced myself I am not good enough

Michchami Dukkadam, sweet I, for the times

Of burdening me with unrealistic expectations

Michchami Dukkadam, sweet one, for 

Allowing to be defined by others' limited perception

Michchami Dukkadam, sweetheart, for 

Feeding lies about right and wrong, good and bad, black and white

Michchami Dukkadam, for stressing out

Over trivial things, people and situations

Michchami Dukkadam, for not celebrating

The smallest joys that life brings, like breathing

Michchami Dukkadam, dearest me, for all the resistance,

Self-doubts, self-criticisms, self-scrutiny

Michchami Dukkadam, for not being around 

When you are the only one that truly needs, wants, loves me unconditionally

Michchami Dukkadam, for not taking the risks,

For giving into fears and insecurities

Michchami Dukkadam, for not acknowledging 

All the love and kindness you radiate relentlessly

Michchami Dukkadam, sweetheart, for developing cold feet

When you bring something profound and delicious

Michchami Dukkadam, dear one, for all that I should be apologising for

but allowing my arrogance to get in the way

Michchami Dukkadam, for putting you through 

annoying people and situations for no good reason

Michchami Dukkadam, also, for not knowing how to make amends or make things right again.

Michchami Dukkadam

For hurting myself

Knowingly or/and unknowingly

Willingly or/and unwillingly

Intentionally or/and unintentionally;

by any of my thoughts, speech action.

May I find it in my heart to forgive me :)

Stillness whispers, 'There is nothing to amend. No one to forgive. Look into my eyes and dance.'

And that's how an apology gets accepted. 

Hear You

She looked all of a naïve primary school girl

Bright eyed, face smiling, small built and hair that curl.

And she won’t listen

She said, “Be loud, so I can hear You”.

Her mother informed of her hearing impairment

Yet with her infectious nonchalant beam, she would befriend.

Some complained she spoke too loud

She said, “Be loud, so I can hear You”.

She was indifferent to the stares and whispers

She spoke innocently without filters.

She was blissfully unaware of the mute happiness she radiated

She said, “Be loud, so I can hear You”.

For such a fragile girl, she was surely well kempt  

Long hair tied tidily, scarf-secured to fight icy breeze and clothes ironed.

She stood proud and apart

She said, “Be loud, so I can hear You”.

Every morning the eyes would search this tiny being; wondering if she heard the bell

She would always be the last one to emerge out of her shell.

Being late never looked so graceful

She said, “Be loud, so I can hear You”.

Once when asked, ‘If all was well?’

She flustered, shifted uncomfortably and mumbled a few valuable words to tell.

Being a witness of this bravery, a stone heart could melt

She said, “Be loud, so I can hear You”.

She didn’t turn up, one day

Search saw her shivering under a thick overweight blanket; the big teary eyes gave way.

This is how broken looked 

She said, “Be loud, so I can hear You”.

She laid her faith in bag full of medicines

Put all her effort to understand life beyond pills.

Failing miserably

She said, “Be loud, so I can hear You”.

Before she left she enquired with hopeful eyes,

“Will I be able to ‘hear’ if I did everything I learnt here?”

Eyes of a loner conveyed, “Be quiet; so you can hear You.”

She said, “Be loud, so I can hear You”.