Michchami Dukkadam

​

I'm not a saint to forgive you,
Nor am I a sinner to ask for your forgiveness.
This Samvatsari I seek Michchami Dukkadam for not being my true self.

Michchami Dukkadam, dear me, for the times 

I turned deaf to the inner voice

Michchami Dukkadam, for not giving you as much importance as

'log kya kahenge'

Michchami Dukkadam, beloved me, for the times

I convinced myself I am not good enough

Michchami Dukkadam, sweet I, for the times

Of burdening me with unrealistic expectations

Michchami Dukkadam, sweet one, for 

Allowing to be defined by others' limited perception

Michchami Dukkadam, sweetheart, for 

Feeding lies about right and wrong, good and bad, black and white

Michchami Dukkadam, for stressing out

Over trivial things, people and situations

Michchami Dukkadam, for not celebrating

The smallest joys that life brings, like breathing

Michchami Dukkadam, dearest me, for all the resistance,

Self-doubts, self-criticisms, self-scrutiny

Michchami Dukkadam, for not being around 

When you are the only one that truly needs, wants, loves me unconditionally

Michchami Dukkadam, for not taking the risks,

For giving into fears and insecurities

Michchami Dukkadam, for not acknowledging 

All the love and kindness you radiate relentlessly

Michchami Dukkadam, sweetheart, for developing cold feet

When you bring something profound and delicious

Michchami Dukkadam, dear one, for all that I should be apologising for

but allowing my arrogance to get in the way

Michchami Dukkadam, for putting you through 

annoying people and situations for no good reason

Michchami Dukkadam, also, for not knowing how to make amends or make things right again.

Michchami Dukkadam

For hurting myself

Knowingly or/and unknowingly

Willingly or/and unwillingly

Intentionally or/and unintentionally;

by any of my thoughts, speech action.

May I find it in my heart to forgive me :)

Stillness whispers, 'There is nothing to amend. No one to forgive. Look into my eyes and dance.'

And that's how an apology gets accepted.